Learn to respect yourself, love yourself, be comfortable with the person you are. Only then can you feel peace.

I suspect most people are never 100% happy with themselves, and that is a good thing. A little self-criticism moves us along. But in general be kind to yourself, be proud of yourself, get comfortable being Jack because you will be living in there a long time (I hope). I think you are a great guy and tell you so often. Believe it.

Look around you. The people who

• behave badly
• mutilate themselves with bits of metal through everything
• buy exhibitionist cars to wrap around their identities
• dress all in black
• identify with a "brand" such as punk or goth or whatever is in by the time you read this
• have to exhibit overt agression to define their manhood (wild driving, tough clothes and talk, skinhead, violence)
• get out of their heads all the time
• have to throw themselves into some firebrand cause just to give their life meaning

...you think they are happy just being themself? No. They are trying to be something else, to prove something, to hide behind a manufactured identity.

The guy who is calm, cool, tidy, modest and strong is the one who has his internal act together. He knows who he is and he's comfortable with it. He may work on making it better or even changing himself in some ways but only to advance, not because he doesn't like what's there now.

That wasn't me for the first three decades of my life. I didn't like who I was and I didn't have control of my life (we'll discuss control another time). I'm still not wild about me but I've got used to me. Only since I made peace with myself have I known any inner peace.

My life is pretty good but it would have been so much better if I'd got it together twenty years sooner. Perhaps I can save you going the long way around.